Its been a while....

Wow this really has been a while.....

I honestly can not say that I even know where to begin and, to that end, this post will probably lack any sort of continuity. At the risk of sounding ridiculously cliche, in the time between the present and my last post, I have really been forced to re-evaluate myself in many ways. This "re-evaluation" process has allowed me to be more at peace with who I am and what I want from life and the people I surround myself with. I've learned that its not necessarily a terrible virtue to be self-contradicting. For the longest time I felt like I had to live on the tail end of extremes. Either I had to be an extremely social person and accept the loss of inner sanctity and deep meaning, or I had to close myself off and lose the comfort that comes from personal understanding that only close friends and relationships can provide. Nothing could be further from the truth and neither can provide the ever elusive "happiness" that we all seek.

Coming to the conclusion that people are walking contradictions wrapped up in bemusement and facade has opened up a whole new window for me. That last sentence makes me feel like I'm reverting back to my cynical nature but I'm really not. The point is that we are all so many different things at so many different times, that it becomes difficult to characterize anyone in any particular way. The more I have tried to do just that, the more disappointed I become. I guess at some point, I had to make the apt decision to just let people be people, including myself. I no longer feel like I have to be one thing at one time. Instead I can be a multitude of contradicting ideas at the same time. Its okay....

I've learned that my expectations don't always have to be met. If I stay too focused, I tend to lose sight of my surroundings. The 'eyes on the goal' mentality is great in some instances and terrible in others. Getting to the finish line but having lost all perspective in the process is not really a win. This has been hard for me to really grasp. My life has been so goal-oriented up until now........ do well in high school so I can get into a good college....do well in college so I can get a good job....get a good job so that im financially stable......but I wonder what I have lost in the process. I always have this lingering feeling that one day my fortunes could turn and I could end up where I started. As a seven or eight year old, getting food from foodshare and going to the donut and bagel stores to get the leftover food for free was almost a game. I'm sure some part of me knew I wasn't in the best position but I was ok with that....then. I always feel like I am one mistep, one mistake away from ending up back there at some point in the future....and the truth is I don't know if I could handle it now. So i move forward, continuing to set goals for myself, goals away from where I started, all the while missing the sights along the path.

WHEEEEEEEEW okay i feel better now :o)

Qualm about this election

Let me start by saying how much the political junkie in me is loving this primary season so far. It feels like one of those mystery movies or some really warped episode of Law & Order. Just when you think you have the crime solved.... BAM... back to square one.

Anyway, my major issue with this primary season so far is with the Democratic Party and more specifically with Barack Obama and some of his supporters. I'll begin by saying that in the beginning i was a fledgling supporter of Hillary Clinton. As time wore on, and the issues I am about to discuss were raised, I became firmly planted in the Clinton camp.

Going to a liberal college, I find myself in the minority by not supporting Obama. I don't mind the position. What i do mind is the sort of attack that is being leveled against supporters of Hillary Clinton by many of Obama's supporters. I feel like Obama's campaign and many of his supporters throw out this subconscious guilt trip on any liberal democrat who refuses to support him. There is somehow this notion that because I am not supporting the first very viable African American candidate that I really dont care about racial equality. When in reality, it was the way that the Obama campaigned has attempted to play race as a trump card that turned me off from him in the first place.

For example, in New Hampshire when Clinton pulled out a surprise victory, the first thing the Obama campaign jumped to was the so called "Bradley Effect." For those of you unfamiliar with this terminology ( I admit I had to look it up to clarify the meaning), it refers to the campaign that Tom Bradley ran for the governorship of California back in 1982. At that time he was polling ahead of his opponent but then on election day he narrowly lost. Closer studies showed that many of the white people who overtly said they would support his candidacy did not in the voting booth. These people wanted to seem like they were open to an African-American candidate but when it came down to it, in the privacy of the voting booth, they really were not. Back to point, the day after her victory, the Obama campaign kept wrongly hurling this out there as an explanation for his loss. In reality, an upsurge of undecided women all went Clinton's way (possibly due to her tearful moment the day before), which gave her the narrow victory she pulled out.

Shortly after this happened, Clinton said this, "Dr. King's dream began to be realized when President Johnson passed the Civil Rights Act," Clinton said. "It took a president to get it done."
While Obama overtly feigned apathy at this comment, his campaign jumped all over it repeatedly implying that both the Clintons were racists. I shouldn't even have to defend this one. Bill Clinton.....racist?....really? There are a lot of things you can call Bill Clinton but I hardly think racist is one of them.
And lets be real here. Everyone knows the Clintons are both great politicians. Noone really argues this fact. They are calculating, and they will do what they need to in order to win. You have no argument from me on this fact. Tell me why then, would these intelligent, calculating, individuals throw out the race card at such a pivotal moment in the campaign. They had NOTHING to gain from it. Throwing out the race card would only upset African Americans and those lovely "limousine liberals" we have been hearing so much about. It makes no sense for them to try that approach in the Democratic Party of 2008. It might have worked in 1958, but not now. If I can figure this out so easily, I am fairly sure that Hillary Clinton can as well.

Lastly, I read this article http://www.realclearpolitics.com/articles/2008/03/sorry_to_say_race_is_still_a_f.html
It personifies EVERYTHING I hate about some of these Obama supporters.
Case in point: "Moreover, exit polls in Ohio showed that fully 20 percent of primary voters acknowledged that "the race of the candidate" was "important" in deciding their vote. And Clinton won this group by a big margin -- 59 percent to 39 percent.
Clearly, this represents white prejudice against Obama because he is an African-American and not the racial solidarity that regularly wins him 90 percent of the African-American vote."

I am hardly on this end of this debate but I have to say that this offends me. I have read Cornel West and Dubois. I have taken many racial theory and racial politics classes. I know I can never comprehend what it is like to be a minority in this country. We still have a VERY far way to go before that issue is ever fully dealt with. That being said, that quote above definitely upsets me. Why is it that when white people vote for Clinton it is "racist," yet when NINETY PERCENT of African Americans vote for Obama it is just showing "racial solidarity?" That is the total personification of implied racism that I have been trying to convey. How often can you get 90% of any group to do ANYTHING? And you know, I really have no issue with the fact that 90% of African Americans voted for Obama. I understand why. What I do have a problem with, is this lovely little spin put on it that intends to make me feel guilty for not doing so.

I'm, tired of this continued implication that because I support Hillary, I'm supporting Hitler in a pantsuit or somehow voting against hope. Are experience and hope really mutually exclusive? Do you have to be a junior senator from Illinois to be hopeful?

Ok I'm done with my rant.

-Kyle

Have to catch an early train
Gotta be to work at 9
If i had an airplane
I still couldnt make it on time
Cuz it takes me so long just to figure out what im gonna wear
Blame it on the train but the bus is already there

Its just another manic monday
Wish it was sunday
Thats my fun day
My I dont have to run day
Its just another manic monday.

- Yeah I feel you


Do we, as human beings, ever stop struggling with identity? At first, its a struggle to identify ourselves with something. Then it becomes a struggle to identify ourselves by what we don't identify ourselves with. As a kid, I used to think at some magic adult age I would begin to understand the complexities of humanity. I thought that understanding was something inherent to adults, but I am beginning to think I was wrong. I'm not sure why I always thought that by the time I turned 21, the mysteries of life would suddenly be revealed to me. I guess that is one of those big let downs that we have to come to terms with as we get older. I certainly didn't have any epiphany explaining to me why life is the way it is . In some ways, my experiences and the knowledge I have gained sinced I was a child has actually hindered the way in which I understand the world.
... strange

Random facts that startled me:
Infant mortality rate: United States ranked 42nd
Life Expectancy: 45th
GDP per capita: 10th
Overall Health: 72nd
Freedom of the Press: 44th
Literacy: 55th

What the hell happened?
When is this country going to get it together?

and so it goes

There are techniques of the human mind whereby, in its dark deep, problems are examined, rejected or accepted. Such activities sometimes concern facets a man does not know he had. How often one goes to sleep troubled and full of pain, not knowing what causes the travail, and in the morning a whole new direction and clearness is there, maybe the result of the black reasoning.

-East of Eden

Randomness

If you can figure out where these quotes are from then you can be my hero for the day...

If there's any kind of magic in this world, it must be in the attempt of understanding someone, sharing something. I know it's almost impossible to succeed, but who cares, really? the answer must be in the attempt.

I see the people that do the real work, and what's really sad is that the people that are the most giving, hardworking, and capable of making this world better, usually don't have the ego and ambition to be a leader. They don't see any interest in superficial rewards, they don't care if their name ever appear in the press. They actually enjoy the process of helping others.

I don't want to be one of those people who are getting divorced at 52 and falling down into tears, admitting they never really loved their spouse and they feel like their life has been sucked up into a vacuum cleaner. You know I want a great life. I want her to have a great life, she deserves that. But we're just living in the pretense of a marriage, responsibility, all these ideas of how people are supposed to live.

Baby you are going to miss that plane.
I know.

J: Okay, so you do believe in religion?
C: No, I don't think so.
J: What about fate?
C: [shakes her head] Mm-mmm.
J: God?
C: No. [laughing]
C: But at the same time I don't want to be one of those people who don't believe in anything magical.
J: So then, astrology.
C: Yes, of course! Now that makes total sense, right? You're a Capricorn, I'm a Sagittarius, that's why we get along so well!

A new chapter in an old book

Before I begin let me make this random statement:
I love when people attempt to insult my intelligence and in the process make themselves look like uneducated morons. Case in point:
Random online person in the game I was playing: Wow your so stupid. You played that sooooo wrong.
Me: You're not your.
ROP: Shut up idiot.
Me: hmmmm no
ROP: My country created the English language. I know what I am doing.
Me: Really? I would assume you would be able to write it in a more proficient manner then.
ROP: THAN NOT THEN (in caps)
Me: No, then was correct. Than is for comparisons.
ROP: WRONG... HAHAHAHAH STUPID AMERICAN
Me: O ok... you got me there..... it has been fun...adios

Moving on....

Due to current events, I have been reading a lot of material about Burma, the military dictatorship in place there and Aung San Suu Kyi. If you have the time to read about the situation, I would suggest that you do so. Aside from being a morbidly fascinating story, I would be surprised if it really didnt touch you in some profound way. In case you don't have the time, Ill give a bit of a short overview here. Bear with me here if you aren't politically inclined, I promise to get to the point fairly quickly.

When Burma (Myanmar) gained independence in 1947 many thought it would be one of the most successful nations in Asia as it had a relatively large population, abundant natural resources and a high literacy rate. However, after decades of poor military governance, the country is in shambles and is incredibly isolated from the international community.

In 1988, a revolt of sorts took place under the leadership of Aung San Suu Kyi, a daughter of a general who helped Burma gain independence. The revolt was brutally suppressed by the military and Suu Kyi was placed under house arrest. In 1990 she won national elections (while under house arrest) but the government refused to accept the election results. She did not cower, however, she simply continued to resist in peaceful manner reminiscent of Gandhi.

For the past 20 years, this woman has risked everything for what some have labelled a hopeless cause. In the early 80s she Oxford educated and was happily married to a man in the UK. She could've remained in Britain and led a very comfortable life without anyone being the wiser but she refused to do so. Instead she boarded a plane to Burma in order to show her conviction and solidarity with the people of her homeland.

Years ago, her husband was lying on his death bed in the UK. The Burmese government offered her passage out of Burma with the implication that if she left, she could never return. She was absolutely torn. She hadn't seen her husband or sons in years but she knew that if she left, she would never be able to return and a symbol of hope and democracy for the Burmese people would be wiped off the face of the map. Therefore, in an amazingly selfless move she chose to stay under house arrest in Burma so she could remain with her people and continue to given them hope as they continued to be brutalized under a harsh dictatorship.

Although under house arrest, she does not complain. She continues to try and maintain at peace with herself with the hope that one day she will be able to exhibit this peace to the people of Burma. She once said, "It is not power that corrupts but fear. Fear of losing power corrupts those who wield it and fear of the scourge of power corrupts those who are subject to it." Just reading about her story makes me reconsider what I stand for and what America as a country should stand for. It seems that we have managed to fight for the wrong and forget the right too many times. It would be easy to forget anything ever happened in Burma. It would be easy to forget the millions of people that have expressed their desire to live without the burden or persecution. It would be easy to work a 9-5 job and bank the money, all the while forgetting that there is another world out there. But how often is "what is easy" right?

I would like to end with a poem she wrote a while back:
In the Quiet Land, no one can tell
if there's someone who's listening
for secrets they can sell.
The informers are paid in the blood of the land
and no one dares speak what the tyrants won't stand.
In the quiet land of Burma,
no one laughs and no one thinks out loud.
In the quiet land of Burma,
you can hear it in the silence of the crowd
In the Quiet Land,
no one can say
when the soldiers are coming
to carry them away.
The Chinese want a road; the French want the oil;
the Thais take the timber; and SLORC takes the spoils...
In the Quiet Land....
In the Quiet Land, no one can hear
what is silenced by murder
and covered up with fear.
But, despite what is forced, freedom's a sound
that liars can't fake and no shouting can drown.

- Aung San Suu Kyi (In the Quiet Land)

The Globalized Age

The recent debacles about American trade relations with China have made me kind of laugh at the real hypocrisy that the whole issue presents. After some isolated incidents regarding toys, pet food, toothpaste etc, there are now even some who are calling for the cessation of trade with China. My favorite critic of Sino-American relations by far is Lou Dobbs on CNN. He refuses to refer to China by just calling it "China." Instead, he makes a point to express that "Communist China" is poisoning average hard working Americans. The communist reference is obviously some ploy to try and engender feelings of resentment to China in America, one of the most capitalistic countries in the world. It seems some people would just love to turn this into Cold War II.
I do not wish to ameliorate the fact that companies in China did ship the U.S. some very tainted goods. However, I wonder if we can ever really expect anything more than the occasional tainted batch of toys. Isn't it the first rule of economics (and common sense) that you get what you pay for? There is no such thing as a free lunch. Let me recap a little bit of modern history here for a moment. During the mid 1970's China began to open up to foreign economic investment. By the 1990s, it was obvious that American companies had found a cheap manufcaturing home in parts of China. Today, there are thousands of sweatshops throughout China, most built by foreign capital, that pay workers ridiculously low wages and force them to work 12-14 hour days, 7 days a week. Is anyone really surprised that a person making a dollar a day and working 80-100 hours a week isnt the best quality control expert out there? American companies constantly pressure their manufacturing base in China to produce cheaper goods in order to be able to sell their product at a less expensive price on a Walmart shelf. Does this alleviate all blame from Chinese corporations and the Chinese government? No, of course not. But before everyone goes around pointing fingers and accusing "Communist China of trying to poison our kids," lets at least take a look at one of the main reasons we find ourselves in this predicament today. I'll give you one hint. "They hate us for our freedom."

-Kyle